Work-Life Balance: Crafting a Career and Life you Love

This article is based on the special interest talk given by Sam Kiani at the BA Manager Forum in November 2024.  

What is the Work Life Balance?

The work life balance is: “The division of one’s time and focus between working and family or leisure activities.”

There is only one of each of us. Finding balance in your life takes courage. Inherently we know we need to establish a boundary when we feel frustrated or overwhelmed, and we dread the conversation which needs to happen.

Sam’s Story

A traumatic childhood either buries you or shapes you. Sam’s childhood gave her ‘hustle-muscle’: When you are working in business change it is useful to be hyper-responsible, be hyper-vigilant, sensitive to micro-expressions and have the drive to prove our worth through our achievements - provided we can keep this in balance. With this hustle muscle, Sam built a successful career, becoming one of the youngest heads of IT change for a global investment bank.  

The problem began when Sam started her own business. In doing so she created a ‘perfect storm’ where she felt she had to do it all, working exceptionally long days. As she became stressed out, Sam realised her cognitive abilities were reduced and she had decision fatigue.

This was Sam’s moment of awakening. It was not just the long hours; she felt she had to be productive 24/7. She could not just think on her commute; she had to listen to a podcast. She was experiencing burnout and needed to do something about it.

How Are You Wired?

Each of us is wired differently, we are all driven by different things. It is important to understand our own drivers. We can only make good choices with good awareness of our inner life, our feelings and what is going on around us. It is all too easy to ‘numb out’ when we are not happy.

Sam created this model to challenge us to ‘Dare to Dream,’ to look at how we can achieve greater understanding and balance in our lives.  

We are all different. Some of us take pleasure from being incredibly busy and from achievement. Others prefer to take time, to feel quiet and spacious as we consider the options, which can be as productive and effective as intense activity. We need to recognise what works for us as individuals, to see how we can optimise our work and our lives around our own levels of intensity.  

Thinking + feeling = balance. If we work hard, we must recover hard. Recovery is more than just relaxing in front of the TV; it could be a cold plunge or yoga or a run to create that symmetry. To have a successful, balanced life, you must have a solid foundation in place. You need the love of family and friends; to have enough time to make and to eat healthy food, to exercise in the fresh air and to sleep well.  

You do your best when you feel your best. So, when do you feel at your best?

Listen to Yourself

What matters to you, matters. What is important to you, is important. You must listen to yourself. Who do you want to impact? Who do you want to become? Who do you choose to be? Life calls us to be more. There are many potential versions of you, who are you choosing to become? Who can help you get there? A mentor, coach, cheerleader, or accountability buddy?  

Imagine different environments you could be in, and different capabilities you could be displaying. What skills and competencies do you need to develop to get where you want to be? The most powerful level for change is your ‘why.’ You may be afraid of public speaking, but you can overcome this if you tap into your ‘why’ which could be helping people by communicating something useful to them.

Climb the Pyramid

There is a path to your purpose and your bigger picture in life. The higher up the pyramid you go, the bigger the lever for change. As you climb, you can give back and help others on their path. Who do you want to pull up?

Have Fun along the Way

Make sure you have fun along the way, as you go through your career and through life. You can have fun working with people you enjoy working with, you can have fun going for a challenge and gaining skills. Some things are not fun while we are doing them (for example climbing Mount Kilimanjaro in the rain), but then the sense of achievement at the summit is huge. Sometimes you must get out of your comfort zone to grow – don’t just go for the effortless fun!

Make It Happen

If you keep thinking the same thing, you get the same results. To achieve change, you must change your thinking.  

If you do not feel comfortable, you need to ask yourself why and think about what you can do about it. Only by tapping into our feelings can we act and make the changes we need to make.  

Sam signed up as a volunteer mentor for young asylum seekers, and then found that she was not just mentoring, she was coaching. This realisation led to Sam’s current work in coaching. She created her own path. Is there anything you could volunteer to do, that aligns to your path?

Questions to Ask Yourself

• What makes you feel good?  
• What does balance mean to you?  
• What one thing do you need to stop doing to get started?  
• How could you give back?
• What do you need to give yourself permission to do, right now?
• What boundaries do you need to put in place?
• What are you aiming for?

It’s your life. Reflect on what works for you and aim to live more on your own terms. You can choose how you spend your time, and when to switch on and switch off. You can choose to do more of what you enjoy doing, and more of what aligns with your purpose. It is in your hands.  

Sam Kiani has over 25 years’ experience in change management, working for some of the world’s biggest Investment Banks. Passionate about helping people to improve their work and personal lives, Sam is now a coach, mediator, and therapist, running and facilitating team workshops, capability training and senior leadership development programmes and events.